


A Christmas with Uncle Bilbo and Uncle Thorin

by Harry1981



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield Fluff, Christmas Fluff, Confused Fili, Domestic Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Horrified Fili, M/M, Madness, Save those poor eyes, This is just Tumblr prompts, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:48:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28267134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harry1981/pseuds/Harry1981
Summary: The thing was, Uncle Bilbo and Uncle Thorin were sort of weird.Don’t get them wrong- Fili and Kili loved their Uncles. They were lovely. But they were also sort of weird.Spending Christmas with them would be an...adventure to say the least.
Relationships: (Very little) - Relationship, Bilbo Baggins & Fíli & Kíli, Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Dís & Fíli & Kíli (Tolkien), Dís/Dís's Husband, Fíli & Kíli & Thorin Oakenshield, Fíli & Kíli (Tolkien), Fíli/Ori (Tolkien)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 69





	A Christmas with Uncle Bilbo and Uncle Thorin

**Author's Note:**

> At this point, I am writing when mood strikes and writing whatever with no end or beginning, Pure madness and fluff and whatnot. Have fun!

So the thing was, Uncle Bilbo and Uncle Thorin were sort of weird.

Don’t get them wrong- Fili and Kili loved their Uncles. Uncle Bilbo was always cheery and brought them all sorts of baked goods. Fili’s favourite was his oatmeal cookies while Kili adored the cherry pie. Uncle Bilbo had the weirdest songs in-store and bedtime stories that made the two boys feel like heroes of old times. He was somewhat strict, but they always got a cookie at the end so that was okay.

As for Uncle Thorin- okay, he was strict. Sort of. Yes. But he had such interesting stories about their family history! He knew things like fighting and archery and at one point could hand Fili and Kili on his arms. Whenever their mother got angry, Uncle Thorin would protect them and tell them later what they did wrong. He always treated the brothers as grown-ups and took their words very seriously.

So yes, Uncle Bilbo and Uncle Thorin were lovely. But they were also sort of weird.

In the beginning, they were weird because they were married. To each other. Kili, being the younger one, did not completely understand how that could be. Everyone knew had an Uncle and an Aunt, who married each other. When he brought this grave concern to his older brother, Fili grew very sombre (that was a new word Kili had learnt!) and then decided it would be wise to consult their mother.

“Uncle Bilbo and Uncle Thorin love each other,” Dis, their mother explained, “Like Mama and Dada love each other. That’s why they are married.”

“Are they unique?” Kili asked excitedly, “because nobody else has two Uncles who are married to each other!”

Dis smiled, ruffling her younger son’s hair, “Thorin and Bilbo are definitely unique. No doubt about that.”

Kili grinned at that, but Fili continued to be thoughtful.

“Mother,” he said very seriously, “Can no other boy like another boy? Are only Uncle Thorin and Uncle Bilbo allowed to do that?”

Dis raised a perfect eyebrow, getting down on the eye level with his older son, “there’s no hard and fast rule that says so.”

Fili hummed, “That is good.”

“It is? May I know why?”

“Well,” Fili crossed his arms and tapped his foot, “I really like Ori. If it was exclusive between uncle Bilbo and Uncle Thorin, it would be very unhelpful for me.”

Knowing of her son’s crush delighted Dis very much.

(She helped the younger boy prepare Valentine’s day card for shy Ori. Kili insisted on glitter, so there was glitter. Fili said Ori liked pens and quills, though he did not understand why someone would like bird’s feather. They still got a quill.)

(Ori was bright red when he received the card and pressed a kiss on Fili’s cheek. Fili did not stop smiling for a month.)

When the boys got older, before their teens, they realized that their Uncles were weirder. For one, nobody knew where the two lived or how they lived. If anyone asked what their job was, Bilbo and Thorin would laugh, look at each other and share an unknown joke. Everyone in the extended family greeted them well, with respect and adoration but also curiosity.

Mother definitely knew all about it, but she never shared.

The final nail in this idea was when Fili and Kili were sent to spend the Christmas Holidays with their Uncle.

“It would do you good,” Dis explained as Vili, her husband and the boys’ father picked up the mugs and took them away, “Fili you are almost an adult so I trust some practical experience for life would do you good. As for you Kili, you are 15! Don’t you wanna go on an adventure?”

The brothers shared a glance. They had seen the plane tickets hidden away in their mother’s drawer. They had seen the brochures their father was going through. Both Fili and Kili knew their parents just wanted a holiday- a second honeymoon if you would.

So it was decided that Fili and Kili would spend the Holidays with their Uncles at their home.

Their house was in the centre of the city. Above a nice, quaint bookshop called Bag End.

“Oh, there you are!” Uncle Bilbo said as soon as the boys exited the taxi. He gave them both a warm hug. Despite being taller than him, both Fili and Kili felt absolutely enveloped in the hog. Kili later described it as ' a large marshmallow melting in a normal-sized cup of hot chocolate’.

Bag End, it turned out, was owned by Uncle Bilbo. The couple lived over the bookshop in a three-bedroom apartment. One of the rooms was converted into an art studio/library, so Fili and Kili were given the option of either sharing or one of them taking the couch.

They decided to share.

Uncle Thorin greeted the boys with a bear hug. No matter how tall they would get, Fili and Kili would remain shorter than the giant of a man that was Thorin Oakenshield.

“How was the ride?”

“Tiring!”

The brothers settled down. They spent dinner talking about random things and having a taste of Uncle Bilbo’s amazing cooking.

The next morning, Kili hogged the bathroom first, earning a rather loud shouting from his brother. Fili decided to take his things and look for another bathroom. That was when he first saw the evidence of something being slightly weird with his Uncles.

Not good, not bad. Just...different.

When Fili walked out of the room, he saw Uncle Bilbo sitting on the couch with a book in his hand. He was wearing a sweater that would be large on Fili, and a pair of sweatpants. Honestly, Uncle Bilbo could fit both his legs in just one of the sides. Uncle Bilbo had snuggled in quite nicely and seemed to enjoy the warmth very much.

Now that was not extremely weird. People liked big clothes, right?

The next moment, the door to the master bedroom was pulled open and out walked Uncle Thorin. He was still sleepy, eyes half-closed and a yawn escaping his mouth every few seconds. What shocked Fili was his...clothes if they could be called that.

The sweater that uncle Thorin wore was a few sizes too short, the full sleeves barely reaching his elbows and his midriff visible. Every time he stretched, Fili could see his muscles. Same was the story of his pants. They looked more like a pair of tights, hugging Uncle Thorin’s figure uncomfortably so.

Fili watched the man move around the house without opening his eyes. He poured his coffee and then moved on the couch to pull Uncle bilbo in a kiss. Which, okay, even his parents do early in the morning.

What Fili did not expect for his Uncles to do was to start making out early in the morning. He stood there, uncomfortable as his Uncles continued to kiss, the book and coffee placed carefully on the coffee table as they kissed each other senseless.

It got to the point where Fili either needed to run or bleach his eyes. Before he could make a noise though, the two men pulled apart. They looked at each other with sappy smiled, before Uncle Thorin dropped on the side of the couch with his coffee and the newspaper while Uncle bilbo lay down on the couch, with his head on Uncle Thorin’s lap and the book in his hands.

An absolutely normal position, both engrossed in their activities like they weren’t having a mouth battle just a moment ago.

Fili blinked. He wasn’t sure what to do or think. Eventually, he decided that he really needed to take a bath.

The next instance of their weirdness was witnessed by both Fili and Kili. They were sitting for lunch, one of his Uncle’s playlist playing in the background on loudspeakers. It was mostly upbeat songs, and the boys found themselves singing along with their Uncle.

“ _You can stand under my Umbreeeellllaaa!”_ Uncle Bilbo sang in a rather high note, earning laughs from everyone. 

Uncle Thorin snorted as the boys continued to jam. He picked up the plates and dumped them in the sink. He got back on the table as the song ended, and everyone burst into fits of laughter. 

The next song that came was as modern as it could with Taylor. Fili grinned and Kili got ready to sing again when it happened.

Uncle Bilbo gasped, his mouth parting in an ‘O’. His eyes got misty as he looked over at his husband, “Oh, Thorin.”

Kili expected his Uncle to smile and pat his Uncle Bilbo or something. To his utmost surprise, his Uncle looked ready to burst into tears. His lower lip was pulled in a pout, his eyes ready to spill tears.

Fili looked at the couple in concern, “Are you guys okay?”

“Oh,” Bilbo turned to him, blinking away tears, “Yes, yes. We are fine. Aren’t we, honey?”

“Oh definitely,” croaked Thorin, wiping away the tears and sniffling loudly, “It’s nothing, boys. Just the song.”

“It’s Taylor Swift?” Kili asked, confused, looking between his Uncles, trying to figure out the thing.

Uncle Bilbo nodded, “Yes. She sings such wonderful songs! Her words and the feelings...oh!”

Fili and Kili shared a glance. They weren’t sure how to react. 

Make no mistake, neither boys doubted how well the singer could write or sing or produce a song.

It was just...the song his Uncles were crying to was ‘ _You need to calm down_ ’. Neither Fili nor Kili could figure out what was it about the song that moved their Uncles to a teary mess. 

The next day, Fili refused to go out in the morning and begged Kili to stay in the room wait, lest he wanted to harm his eyes. Kili, puzzled, agreed. When the boys walked out fo their bedroom, Uncle Thorin and Uncle Bilbo were in the same position that Fili had seen them the day before, after their session.

Uncle Bilbo spotted them coming and exclaimed, “Oh good morning!”

“Good Morning!” sing sang the two boys.

He sat up, putting his book away, “I was thinking we could begin on the Christmas cookies today. What say you?”

Nobody had anything against the idea. 

Fili was put on kneading duty since he did it so well. It was Thorin’s job to get all the ingredients, and Kili was to assist him. Bilbo would be handling everything, as expected.

Within a few hours, the kitchen was a war zone.

“Go, go go! Fili, my dear boy, I love you, but the dought needs to be firmer! Knead. Come on! Thorin, we are out of chocolate chips! It should be in the pantry! Go, now! We are out of icing sugar too? Oh, for God’s sake- Kili! Go after your Uncle and tell him to get some icing sugar!”

A soldier hardly ever leaves the side of his comrade, his brother-in-arms. When the battle comes, it’s not about protecting yourself. It’s about protecting your country, your ideals, what you believe in. it’s about unity.

Kili turned to his brother, question in arms. 

‘Go’, Fili’s eyes said.

‘I won’t leave you here’, Kili tried to plead through his eyes.

‘We will both die’ Fili glared at his brother, ‘You have a chance, go! Make it out alive!’

In the end, Kili was pushed out from the kitchen as Bilbo continued to bark orders to Fili. With a heavy heart, he walked into the pantry.

...only to find his Uncle Thorin with a mouth full of candies.

“Hey,” he said, swallowing some of it. He extended his hands, showing a few candy canes among other varieties, “Want some?”

“Sure,” Kili said, uncertain.

Thorin nodded, “Don’t worry, we are not going back to the front lines until he has calmed down.”

Kili accepted that. The two sat in silence for five minutes, before Thorin grabbed the chocolate chips and Kili grabbed the icing sugar. With their energy renewed, the Uncle and nephew marched back into the battle.

In the end, they baked some twenty to thirty batches of cookies. When evening came, they ordered Chinese from a nearby restaurant, put on a Hallmark movie and settled down in front of the Tv. Thorin sat on the couch with bilbo, while Fili took the extra bag and Kili rested on the floor beside Uncle Thorin’s feet.

Uncle Bilbo got up midway through the movie to get some snacks after their dinner was over. Fili had dozed off the bean bag, snoring slightly. Kili’s head was lying on his Uncle’s leg, almost ready to fall asleep.

That’s when Uncle Bilbo came back. Kili, who face was not facing the Tv, saw him wrap his arms around uncle Thorin’s neck. He watched uncle Bilbo set his face on Uncle Thorin’s shoulder and tuck a piece of hair behind his ear.

Kili smiled. It was rather romantic, he mused.

Bilbo leaned close to Thorin’s ear, but whispered loud enough, “Eat my candies again, darling, and I will have your head on a platter.”

Needless to say, Kili had some rather disturbing dreams that night.

Such incidents kept happening while Fili and Kili lived with their Uncles. There was the case of the cat in the washing machine, then Uncle Bilbo with a tattoo one day and the next day it was gone, a man who called himself Bifur, never spoke in English, spent only the Christmas day with them and then disappeared and neither of their Uncles ever mentioned it. 

When Fili and Kili finally returned home to their parents, her mother excitedly asked, “So? How was the trip? Did you two have fun?”

“Yeees,” Fili said slowly, “Only...it was weird.”

“Very weird,” confirmed Fili.

But no matter how weird Uncle Thorin and Uncle Bilbo got, the fact was that they were Fili and Kili’s favourite Uncles. 

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to leave a review if you like it!


End file.
